Damn you, Jared.


I work at Subway as a sandwich artist. I saw artist in the job description and I was like, yeah, I’m artistic, I could do that. But when I got there, I realized it didn’t really require being all that artistic. Basically it’s just like arranging cold cuts on sub rolls. Which is fine, I guess, but it’s definitely not my favorite. Early on I tried being as artistic as I could — doing origami stuff with the salami, making cool designs with the Southwestern Chipotle sauce — but no one seemed to care. “What’d you think of the little design I did on there?” I’d ask them. “Come on, kid,” they’d say, “just give me my damn footlong.” I can’t believe I went to art school in Manhattan for this! (I should say that the art school was in Manhattan, Kansas. For some reason, when I say I went to school in Manhattan, everybody assumes I mean the one in New York. I’m always like come on people, there are two Manhattans!)

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4 Responses to “Damn you, Jared.”


  1. 1 Subway lover November 27, 2010 at 12:36 AM

    man! i wish you were my sub maker. everyday i get a 5 dollar footlong italian style and don’t get me wrong.. its delicious! love that fresh honey oat bread… its so warm and fresh! but i’d love to have someone ask me if i’d like a personalized sub. i’d probably ask you to write my name out with the mustard. and if you’re as good as you say, you could prob even draw me an italian stallion, right? wouldn’t that be ironic!? an italian stallion on the italian sub??!

  2. 2 home run! December 1, 2010 at 12:28 AM

    Very funny post.

  3. 3 go jayhawks! December 1, 2010 at 12:29 AM

    the only manhattan i care about is in kansas! go hawks.

  4. 4 "just like arranging cold cuts on subs" December 1, 2010 at 12:30 AM

    Yeah, that about sums it up. What the hell’d you expect?


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