Unemployed Part I: I’m a self-confident ass


So I’m a recent college graduate from one of the top liberal arts schools in the country. Everyone always asked me “What are you gonna do with a liberal arts education?” And I always replied with a defensive rant..” What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I think the better question is what am I NOT gonna do!?!? When I graduate I’ll know more about more subjects than you can even imagine. I bet you know nothing about Latvia in the year 1932. And I don’t either… yet! But, I’m sure its like really important in the whole scheme of globalization and my transexual famous pop singer from the 80s who now lives in a tent in the middle of the quad will teach me about it tomorrow. Speaking of globalization… did you know that the Japanese consider McDonalds only a snack because there is no rice included? Like they need to eat rice to be full! And that in Disneyworld there’s a hierarchy system among all the employees and for the girls the higher up you are the sluttier the outfit you get to wear.. like the Himalayan chicks are totally at the top with those Hills-are-alive-with-music Heidi kinda shit outfits. Anyways, sorry, I just know so many interesting facts. I could probably entertain people all day with them. Which is why I’ll probably ace every job interview I have after college. With my sheer intellect and wit and knowledge of every possible subject.

…The summer after graduation…

Well no luck with the job search yet. Guess I should apply to some shitty job just to make some cash so I can continue buying my pet hamster, Mini, her favorite food–Brown’s Nutrition Plus. If you’ve never heard of it, its like the Purina of hamster food–the golden ticket to a perfect digestive system. Her poops are like perfectly formed pellets compared to that messy poop shit when I give her the cheap shit, Brown’s Tropical Carnival Gourmet Food. Like c’mon, I don’t need to pretend I live in Hawaii and neither does Mini. I’d give her a Pina Colada and let her watch Jersey Shore if I wanted her to know tropical. Guess I’ll try to find a babysitting job so I can tutor the kids and teach them all I learned in Latin 101. Carpe diem, right! That’s seize the day… if you didn’t know.

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3 Responses to “Unemployed Part I: I’m a self-confident ass”


  1. 1 an ass November 30, 2010 at 4:37 PM

    yeah, you do kinda sound like an ass. maybe thats why you can’t find a job. hopefully this experience has brought you down a notch! i love hamsters though

  2. 2 jersey shore November 30, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    hahaha the jersey shore isn’t TROPICAL

  3. 3 sign me up! December 1, 2010 at 12:25 AM

    i gotta see this chinese disneyworld!


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