im a cleaner


ive been a housecleaner for like five years now and im getting sick of it. the people i clean for must be the richest snobbiest people in all of indianapolis. i was eating a bolonie and mayo sandwich the other day during my break and they were like “my goodness, honey, have some real food.” and then they offered me some steak tips, which tasted pretty good i admit. the thing was, when i was sorting through the trash later that day, i saw a box for a hungry man steak tip dinner. so it’s not like they were offering me great food or anything. they just wanted me to feel bad about my bolonie and mayo.

and i brought my son to work with me one day when he had off from school. they said “my goodness, dear, your boy is quite underdressed.” it was raining and sleeting out, and his sweatshirt was all wet. what they did was give him a trash bag to wear. they said it would be waterproof. when he put it on they said “yes, that looks about right.” i wanted to scream “we are not trash!” but on the other hand he did look very cute in the bag. and they were right, it was waterproof.

and i hate how they pretend they’re so generous. they always give us little “gifts” which are basically just things they’re too lazy to take to the dump. a few weeks ago they called me into the bedroom and made a big deal about giving me this white blouse. i was like oh that’s nice, but then i noticed a big shitstain on it. i asked what the shitstain was from, and they were like beggars can’t be choosers, my dear. i said i’m not a beggar. i just wanna know why this blouse has a shitstain on it. they said if you don’t like the blouse, then you don’t have to wear the blouse. now every time i wear it i look at that shitstain and i just want to punch them in the head. it is a very cute blouse though.

 

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3 Responses to “im a cleaner”


  1. 1 gross! November 30, 2010 at 4:32 PM

    eww!!! a shitstain!?! get outta there!

  2. 2 real or not? December 1, 2010 at 12:10 AM

    can’t tell, but i don’t care. hilarious.

  3. 3 damn snobs! December 1, 2010 at 12:12 AM

    Listen, dear, it’s spelled “bologna.” Your grammar, too, is quite underwhelming. Quite, I say!


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