the blocker

so i have a lotta free time at work. i mean no can blame me for working too fast– i just finish projects much earlier than my boss expects. its called efficiency. i don’t wanta bother him constantly asking for more work so i end up spending a whole lotta time on Google news reading about anything and everything. i’d like to spend it on even more interesting sites (i’m tired of reading about all of those politicians i know nothing about) like facebook or lookin up celebrity gossip or playing online scrabble but our office seems to have a magical blocking system that is definitely tracking my moves. like on wednesday i just went on facebook to untag one photo that i saw my friend posted bc i knew it would be terrible and on thursday i went on just to change my status and was blocked!

i worry that there’s some secret person in my office whose job it is to spy on everyone’s internet use and block each inappropriate site one by one until one day an employee reaches the elusive bad site threshold. lets say that threshold is 100 inappropriate sites to visit at work.

so the moment you press enter for your 100th bad site,,  an alert bell rings and flashes red in the internet enforcers office (that i imagine is in the basement and very dark). the mysterious enforcer gets dressed in his all black outfit that says “THE BLOCK POLICE” on the front and runs stealthily to your office, picks you and your belongings up, carries you outside, dumps you on the sidewalk and says “You’re Fired” in the best damn Donald Trump imitation you’ve ever heard.

and i’m convinced i’m going to be the first victim of the enforcer.. because i seriously think everyone else at my office is actually doing work.


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4 Responses to “the blocker”

  1. 1 thats bull! November 30, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    their definately infringing on ur 1st amendment rights. u might wanna call finkelstein and partners. theyll get u paid!

  2. 2 haha November 30, 2010 at 11:32 PM

    funny stuff! my job hasn’t caught me yet, thank god. bestiality is so taboo nowadays!

  3. 3 THIS IS YOUR BOSS November 30, 2010 at 11:33 PM

    STOP SLACKING OFF. just kidding. nice post.

  4. 4 a solution November 30, 2010 at 11:34 PM

    What I do is bring a separate laptop to work just for facebook/porn/online poker/chatroulette. Works like a charm!

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