Day 3 on the Job: A Documented Orgy

When you wade through all the bullshit of my job description, what it basically boils down to is this: I’m a receptionist. Easy, right? I answer the phone. I transfer calls. (By the way, that took me three days to figure out). I try to enunciate my name so that the person on the receiving end does not call me “Gerald.” Because I’m a girl. Whatever, it’s all in a day’s work.

Know what’s NOT in a day’s work? Having to deal with the approximately 85 percent of calls from people who are fucking nuts.

Day three. I’ve finally figured out how to check my voicemail. I’m feeling pretty good. The phone rings. I answer. He even gets my name right. And then this:

“I’m calling because I was wondering if you develop film.”

I want to say, “Well sir, I’m new here, so I really haven’t a blazing idea, but I highly doubt it.” But before I can, he adds:

“Look, I just went on a honeymoon with my wife, and we REALLY would like to get this film developed. We were in Bali—just beautiful sunrises, gorgeous hikes, and sunset cruises.”

“Well, congratulations,” I start, but he cuts in:

“And you know, we have about 500 photos, and it’s the two of us, and two other couples, and we were all fully consenting adults. I repeat, fully consenting.”


“And you know, it was just a really beautiful thing, there’s nothing shameful about what we did. We are all of legal age, on a honeymoon retreat, and—have you ever heard of hedonism? Everyone else has hung up on us when we mention it.”

Excellent. You can bet those photos include A) strawberry daiquiris in plastic cups. B) Togas heaped on the floor in wild abandon. C) Sex moves you’ve never heard of, but will be burned into your brain.

“Well, sir, why don’t I just take your name and number, look into that—I don’t think we have the darkroom capabilities for that just right now, but I’ll give you a call back?”

Yeah, right. A word of advice: If you’re planning on taking pictures of your wild orgy, it’s not a bad idea to invest in a digital camera. Because I don’t get paid enough for this.


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3 Responses to “Day 3 on the Job: A Documented Orgy”

  1. 1 lol November 30, 2010 at 11:38 PM

    plz send scanned jpegs from orgy to me at jk funny shit!

  2. 2 lisa says November 30, 2010 at 11:40 PM

    Crazy story!

  3. 3 no name November 30, 2010 at 11:43 PM

    Who said romance is dead! After reading this, I say it is.

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